Ask the parenting pros
“Help! My 5-year-
old daughter
won’t stay in
her own bed!”
Sure, that midnight pitter-patter of little feet is cute…the first time. But when those nightly pilgrimages to your bed are causing major sleep deprivation, it’s time to act. The good news? You are not alone. According to Dr. Jodi Mindell, associate director of the Sleep Center at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and author of Sleeping Through the Night, about 30% of young children have significant bedtime problems.
Action Plan:
Reclaiming Bedtime Boundaries
routine that sticks
Research from the National Sleep Foundation shows that consistent bedtime routines can reduce nighttime awakenings by nearly 40%. Create a predictable 20-30 minute wind-down that ends in your child’s room—think bath, books, and cuddles with a clear finale. When bedtime feels the same every night, children develop security in knowing what comes next.
The “bedtime pass” technique
This evidence-based approach from pediatric researchers at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia works wonders! Create a special “bedtime pass” that your child can use once per night for a brief parent visit or water request. Once used, the pass is gone until morning. Dr. Patrick Friman, who developed this technique, found that it reduced night wakings by 80% within a week in clinical studies. The magic? It gives your child some control while setting clear limits.
It’s no secret that children respond well to positive reinforcement. Harness this by creating a sticker chart and awarding a sticker each night your kid stays in bed. Once they reach five stickers, reward them with a pre-agreed treat. One Prelove You member mom, Jessica, reports: “The sticker chart was a game-changer. My daughter was so proud of herself when she earned her first reward, she actually started reminding ME about bedtime!”
When your child appears at your bedside, calmly walk them back to their room with minimal interaction. The emphasis here is on ‘calm’. We mean keep the interaction boring—no talking, no eye contact. Simply guide them back, tuck them in with a quick ‘goodnight, I love you,’ and leave. Note: this approach takes patience—expect to make this walk multiple times the first few nights. But research shows consistency pays off, usually within 3-7 days.
Dr. Lynelle Schneeberg, sleep psychologist and author of Become Your Child’s Sleep Coach recommends a pre-bedtime “worry time” where children can express fears. This means creating a worry box where your child can ‘put away’ concerns before sleep, assuring them you’ll keep their worries safe until morning. For monster fears, try a “monster spray” (water in a spray bottle), or anointing a stuffed animal as a “guardian” of the room.
